Friday, August 31, 2007

Rira deemed this blog-worthy

me: i like coincidences :)

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Taking myself to task, for fairness's sake

Me, regarding the A/C on this hot, hot day:

"If I could stick this up my womb, I would."

Courtesy of "digitalboy"

rira: i don't really feel like a movie
dijitalboy: What do u feel like
Rira: drugs
dijitalboy: What kind
Rira: coke... e was my second choice

Me and hump day don't do well when put together in a small room and forced to interact...

Rira: hmm
you should start out wednesday mornings with alcohol

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Why I love my mom...

The first line of an instant message she sent me...

"I have conquered chicken!!!!!"

Friday, August 17, 2007

Dream-me sounds pretty crazy

Rira: i had a dream about you last night, po
you had a child--a 4-year-old girl
and you dyed her hair blue

Sunday, August 12, 2007

hip hop physiology

"word to your femur."--e

Saturday, August 11, 2007

New England is filled with passive-agressive signs

Sign on an 18/19 century ship in Salem, MA's harbor, possibly called "the Friendship":

Authorized personnel only
Vessel is alarmed

Site-specific gems

Of course a place called Bunghole Liquors will lead to great and easy quotes.
(I'm serious. This is a real place in Salem, MA. Check out the website if you don't believe me:

"And then on the way back we can look for Bungholes."

"You can see that Bunghole from five blocks away."

E reaches breaks new quotablitiy records (New England is inspirational is so many ways)

"It makes me feel like a 19th century sea captain."

"I'm going to take my pants off. Do you think that's alright?" (said on a public Salem, MA street)

"And now he's Edward 'Die-eed.'" (talking about dear, departed Edward Said)

"With mono, it's not about the destination, it's the traveling."

"I'm afraid that after this trip I'll never be this funny again."

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

sing it, sister


Rira: oh, and i would just like to say
celebrity jeopardy puts me in a bad mood
the end

Monday, August 06, 2007

Rira actually submitted this herself...

me: you just want to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me
David: Maria, I know that I don't have to get you drunk to take advantage of you.

It's just more fun that way.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Speaking on the supposed appearance of the West Coast gang "The Bloods" in NYC

Me: "What, are they franchising now?"

Dusty: "It's a chain gang!"

Belated quotes from my visit to Shayla-town

"And then you'd turn around, and there'd be a penis on your shoulder..."--keith

"I'm over the internet."--Shayla

"I just picked my nose with my toe!"--Nick (it would probably be a better quote if I didn't tell you that he's Shayla's 4 year-old nephew.)

"I gush for men who know how to use a chain saw."--Jon

From Rira, our beat reporter on the streets of NYC

homeless man to me, 8:46am, on 23rd street:
"Every morning, when you wake up, know that somebody loves you. Because I do. I looove you."
now, the goal is just to get someone with teeth to say that to me

oh, and yesterday, at approximately the same spot, 2 crazy people (a crazy couple?) were walking down the street and arguing
the man said loudly, "you ABUSED me"
the woman (even louder), "i LEFT you, i did not ABUSE you"