Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Bon voyage!

While I'm jaunting around Europe for the following month, I've given Maria permission to post quotage in my stead. She lives in NYC, so I have a feeling she shouldn't want for remarkable things to bring to your attention.

Check the "comments" link after this entry.

I'll be back in four weeks, and I hope to have quite the Euromegapost when I return. I may even have quotes in other languages! (A girl can dream...)

Sunday, May 20, 2007

My sister makes funnies.

"There's left, and then there's left left."

"Does Bolivia worship the strawberry?"

A running commentary of the Strawberry Festival parade

"He looks like he knows how to blow." --J Saunders

"Some people choose abstinence, others have it chosen for them"--E and Rj (what a tag team)

"It's more like 'The Concerned Ursines.' They're an off-brand."--Rj, talking about a float with giant papier-mache bears that were supposed to look like the Care Bears

"Let he who is without chlamydia cast the first stone."--E

Hungover cleverness

Me: You're smart.
E: I know my bladders.

Me: (talking about Mimosas) ...and they provide us with vitamin C!
E: And vitamin drunk.

Drunk poker playing and a large amount of snark inspire great quotage.

Someone: Are you guys ready?
Rj:Did some fat girl from Pocahontas County in sequins cry tonight?

"Fun is not fun. Winning is fun."--Brian

"I think I'm too drunk to learn"--me, sadly

""Minutiae really matter when you're stoned in a way that doesn't when you're drunk."--Brian?

Brian: Fuck him up his ass!
Me: I'll leave that to you later.
Rj: Oh, he's a bottom.

E:...and fireworks!
Rj: I thought that was just fat people falling.

She recently got her first sunburn ever!

Rira: i think nyc is doing bad things for my melanin

Thursday, May 17, 2007

I love my girl

Rira: yes, we don't wasted any time
waste not wasted
that must have been a freudian slip


Oh, how I do love me some Dave time (combined with drinking, it's a winning pair!)

"You just missed a very insightful conversation about what makes a hootenanny a hoedown."-dave

(Paraphrasing) "My cat is very beautiful. She's a cat butt model."-dave, of course

"We do take requests, but we ask that you write them down on a twenty dollar bill and have the drunkest member of your party bring it forward."--funny/creepy guy leading the bluegrass jam

(All at the Brewpub)

When some weird guy approaches your table, do NOT make eye contact.

Weird guy: "I have a joke for you...I wrote it down so I wouldn't forget. 'How many perverts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?'"

:::I physically cringe in preparation for what I know will be a painful and tasteless punchline.:::

Weird guy (con.): "One. But it takes a whole emergency room of people to get it out."

:::me: shudder:::

It's not porn; it's art!

Rira: haha
that's what you get for posting porn

Rj's been keeping me in Falwell-bashing porn (of sorts)

Seriously, someone needed to say this. And, seriously, you need to watch this:

Rj: "Hitchens is drunk and pisses all over falwell. Pity he's only reasonable when it comes to religion."


Tuesday, May 15, 2007

RIP (?) Jerry Fallwell

Brian: oh btw
praise jesus

Rj: I'm equally sorry that he didn't linger and suffer....sort of how I feel about Raygun.

From Rj's blog: "The fact that such a hateful man (he did, after all, make Larry Flynt look sympathetic) could wrap himself in "god" and attain national prominence and influence is a surer sign of moral paucity and societal backsliding than a couple of leather bears kissing while a flotilla of drag queens toss rubbers from sparkly floats. The sad truth is his passing means nothing. His death, like the death of single termite, merely creates space for another just like him to take his place."

"How I hope St. Peter, Jesus, and Screamin’ Jay Hawkins personally threw him off the narthex cloud into Perdition."--e

"i kept hitting the refresh button until the 'hospitalized' turned to 'dead at 73'."--Rj's friend Montgomery

Saturday, May 12, 2007

What a productive dinner...all that learning and sharing

"It's not a disease, it's a virus."--Nima defending a certain friend (cough) who accidently contracted a disease/virus while traveling in Europe

"I've really explored myself tonight."--Rira

"Oh, anyways...it _is_ humid in Texas."--Nima, trying to get the conversation back on track

Sometimes the NYC crazies try to get you involved

"You look like a cool guy...You look like a 17th century poet."--Clerk at Puerto Rico Coffee to E

"He's 65 years old, and if he doesn't get shish kabob, he'll kill me. And he's from Detroit."--Iranian man who engaged us on the street for probably a full five minutes

It's the "Shlee and E Hour," kids! Fasten your seatbelts, and watch the quotage fly!

"Transvestites are the new cyborgs."--E

"I feel billowy."--E again

"Don't worry. I've got your asshole covered."--Me, to E

"You have any cherry bombs or waterhoses?"--E

"I know I've said this before, but if I get Hep C, you're responsible."--E, to me (Taking note of this and the previous quote, I have to wonder who exactly does he think I am??)

Me: "You know what's weird about New York now? Before, when you saw someone walking down the street talking to themself, you just assumed, 'OK, they're some crazy homeless person.' But now most of the time they're just talking on one of those stupid cell phone earpieces."
E: "That's why we started the program 'Fake Bluetooth for the Homeless.'"

"I bet this one's called 'Burlap Vagina.'"--E guessing the name of Lucio Fontatana's "Spatial Concept: Expectations" at MoMA [http://www.moma.org/collection/browse_results.php?criteria=O%3AAD%3AE%3A1930&page_number=4&template_id=1&sort_order=1
](I think his idea is much better)

Drunk, annoying people generally provide the best quotes

"And I was like 'vroom, vroom,' and it was like whatever."
"I don't have a very girly voice. You can make it manly."--Stupid drunk girl outside of the O.Henry pub who scared Otis, the dog

It's impossible to walk through Union Square and not come up with many good "hit and run" quotes from passerbys

"Let's go to Whole Foods and pick up girls."--Young gothpunk to his friend

"I've got a date with a fucking blunt."--Yet another young punk

"I like water in theory."--girl walking under umbrella

"This is a big park. If you go where you please, you'll end up in...Jersey."--Teacher to a student (This one was in Central Park, but it's similar enough)

Monday, May 07, 2007

My mom uses me for my access to raw fish

"I think I'm starting to associate you with sushi. One of these days I'm going to look at you and see a giant California roll."--my Mom

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Maternal logic

"It's like, 'If you've known my daughter long enough, it's OK to request pictures of her on a mechanical bull.'"- Maria

In the middle of an AIM conversation about other normal things....

My mom: "pitts zoo has a kimono (sp) dragon -- last of the dinos?"

(a few minutes later)

My mom again: "ok, so was kimono spelled correctly - do NOT put that on the blog"

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Using our power for evil rather than good is so much more fun...

(from Rira)

Brian: okay, now I'm going to go run amok like mcaully caulkin in home alone

(about finding quotes for the blog)
me: see what a fun game this is!
Rira: yes, now that i've learned to play the game against others, it is fun

Poor, horny poltergeists. Don't they deserve love too?

"The supernatural phenomena in this story is the headless horesman in Sleepy Hollow, who is searching for head." --one of E's student's exam responses

Maria's response to the above:
just like every other boy in the universe