This is what happens when you take two sinners on one of their biannual trips to church (as if we weren't already booked on a first-class trip to Hades):
(about four minutes into the service)
K: I'm bored.
me: Isn't that a redundant thing to say in church?
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Pastor: (reads that passage from the Bible where the chick goes to the tomb and finds out Jesus isn't there.)
me: Yeah, you wouldn't want to be the one who lost Jesus.
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Pastor: Now, all together, hold your hands over your heart and say your name out loud.
K: (loudly) Lateesha!
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me: (about "Up From the Grave He Arose") I like this hymn because it sounds like a drinking song.
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The Lawson Sisters reinterpret that classic Easter tune "Easter People Raise Your Voices": "Party People Raise your Glasses"
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