Sunday, April 29, 2007

This is true (and it may also explain that period of my life I refer to as "The Year of Three Stalkers")

Brian: haha, I enjoyed my quote about flirting with crazy chicks btw

me: maria sent that to me
her fault

brian: for the record, the girl is crazy. maybe you'll meet her sometime...but probably not

me: does she like you?

brian: hard to tell. all the normal indicators are there, but patently, they don't apply to crazy people

This is why I need Maria around all the time...

(after asking the English professor [yes, me] a grammar question)

brian: ur the bst.
my papr is in txt
lol no.

me: i'm glad I actually new the answers

brian: oh snap
you _new_ them?
or you knew them
all the credit you had
went flying out the window.

me: whoops
thus is my life with grammar

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Best breaking news headline ever

"Unbaptized Babies Released from Limbo"--Discovery News

4 hours of "Battle of the Bands" leads to hysteria and excellent quotage

"It was like animal house. Not _the_ Animal House. _An_ animal house."--Steve, referring to his college living space

"That one was called 'Carolina Boogie.'"--some asshole lead singer, after singing a song that repeated those two words probably about 8 dozen times

"He's a pretty wicked drummer...metal-style."--some other asshole lead singer from one of the bands

"Where did you end up ending up?"--Steve

Thursday, April 26, 2007

He says, as he walks away with my chocolate...

" we all win...except you, who's lost something."--e

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Maria-- "am i coming across great material today, or am i just finding everything hilarious?"

(both also from Maria)

Rira: aww
i think i want to put some potted plants out on my balcony for the summer
not because i spend time there, but i'll see them through the window when I sit in the a/c

Tom: buying plants is such a huge existential endeavor though
it endorses slavery and only leads to death


brian(12:55:18 PM): well, duh
brian(12:55:48 PM): there's no rule that says you can't flirt with crazy chicks

Sunshine can affect one's forewarned.


Rira: tom has this theory that everyone breaks up in the spring, after they've finished burrowing for the winter and notice how many other people there are in the city
me: That's pretty cynical and I love it
Rira: he believes that this is prime time for witnessing public breakups
so we're going out on friday night to see if we catch any
me: giggle
that's about the best thing I've heard today
Rira: well it's 8:55

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Submitted by Maria....

David: I'm boycotting New Jersey.
me: why is that?
David: Because they don't let you pump your own gas.
It's very un-empowering.

It's 'cause he's got the tenure...

"That's true...I'll lick anybody."--e

Monday, April 23, 2007

Jesus loves him a SUV...

And now the quote of the month from this guy on _The Daily Show_ who wouldn't let his daughter's 7th grade class be shown _An Inconvenient Truth_ because he doesn't believe in global warming.  What does he believe, you ask?  That global warming is somehow directly related to the Apocalypse.  

His comments on the subsequent rapture and how he plans to spend it:

"I look forward to having a recreational vehicle and spending time with my family."--(The ironically named) Frosty

How Swift-ian...


brian: but I know you must go promote the killing of babies. I think you should make the argument that we might as well eat them.
waste not want not!

Sunday, April 22, 2007


The problem with spending an evening with a number of exceedingly quotable people is that it's difficult to remember any quotes to post because your brain gets flooded with so, so many. I thought about just giving it up as a lost cause, but I do remember one, so we'll let this stand as a representation of all the others...

(Upon finding a red boa feather on the floor of the bar)
"Oh look, the biddy's are molting." --rj

Friday, April 20, 2007

I just got schooled

"P.S. You don't want to even know what kind of muck-luck wearing
beaver-hatted mosquito crazed single-wide dwellers I could get to
rush the border and go through your sock drawer. So I think we better
call this a truce."--Kelvin

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Duly noted.

"I consider myself pretty hard guy, but I wouldn't scour my dick with a Brillo pad just to make a point."--e

"I'm the guy who hits the elevator button repeatedly."--e

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

I could just sit here today, ready to type, and come up with all sorts of fun Devon quotes...

"I'm down to a haunch already."

"I'm just so turned on today."


Maria should get half-ownership of this blog...

(This makes sense becuase Maria's mom is from Canada...)


have you heard of Feist?
she'a canadian
like half of you

Rira: haha
now THAT should go on the blog



Rira: no politics before coffee, i say
don't put that on your blog

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

I'm putting this up here because it fortifies me...


Rira: yes, there are people whose full-time job it is to give you free stuff
take advantage of it

How do I maintain my sunny disposition, you ask? Why, it's due to the positive reinforcement I get from my friends, of course!

"Face down, ass up. That's all that's left for you now."--e

Monday, April 16, 2007

We're having some unusually naughty conversations for so early in the AM...

Rira: oh yes
i'm having tons of hot sex right now
as we speak, actually

me: Well aren't you to screw and type at the same time?
That should go on the "skills" part of your resume

Rira: yes, it's a useful skill indeed

me: everyone needs something to set them apart from the crowd

Rira requested that I put this up...fair's fair, I guess

(aim, to Rira, who I am attempting to entice to join me on my big voyage across the big ocean)

me: If I had a nickel for everytime I had to prostitue myself to get someone to come with me to europe...

Sunday, April 15, 2007

I could give the context in which this was said, but I think it's more fun just dangling in the dark...

"17 yards is a lot of twat."--e

And, a few days later:

"hee hee. it sho' is. a LOT of twat."--e, again

Hey, we all get our kicks in different ways...

sister kara:

I'm obsessed with the jump at 1:36. I've watched it like 27 times.

sister shlee: it's dancing porn!

Thursday, April 12, 2007

I do love this department...

The formidable JS: Well hello, you gorgeous beast.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

I'm so glad she can be on my overheard page...

Person in the audience: What do you think is the biggest mistake that Bush has ma...

Sarah Vowell: (cutting him off) WAR...war. I mean, war? The war.

I will do basically anything for the people who fill my life with quips like this one...

"You really can't be a country without a navy or a beer."--e

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Happy ReBirthday, Jesus!

This is what happens when you take two sinners on one of their biannual trips to church (as if we weren't already booked on a first-class trip to Hades):

(about four minutes into the service)
K: I'm bored.
me: Isn't that a redundant thing to say in church?


Pastor: (reads that passage from the Bible where the chick goes to the tomb and finds out Jesus isn't there.)
me: Yeah, you wouldn't want to be the one who lost Jesus.


Pastor: Now, all together, hold your hands over your heart and say your name out loud.
K: (loudly) Lateesha!


me: (about "Up From the Grave He Arose") I like this hymn because it sounds like a drinking song.


The Lawson Sisters reinterpret that classic Easter tune "Easter People Raise Your Voices": "Party People Raise your Glasses"

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Pittsburgh shenanigans with Dave

"If you promise someone something, keep it."-- Dave's fortune cookie from Lulu's

"It's like Christmas for alcoholics."--Dave, on the Belgian beer bar

"It's kind of hard to do the whole rock n roll tour thing when you're breastfeeding a 12-year-old."--Apparently I said this, cause I wrote it down, though I don't really remember it

Friday, April 06, 2007


David A. Riggs
I love the blue moose

i know you do, po

Don't mess with the god-less...

(After I suggested that a Christian student was trying to convert him)

:::long pause:::

"I always win."--e

Oddly enough, I agreed

"Promise me that if you ever kill me in a car accident that you'll shoot yourself."--e

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Ba dum dhum...


Maria: well, he started his own company that became successful, which allowed him to dip into other industries
he even owns a portion of a race horse
me: which part?!

Damn Scottish immigrants...


Rira: someone here is playing bagpipe music, and i haven't even had my coffee yet

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Oh that it were...


Dave: But I wish the Lawson Funk-Down was corporate policy.